“Never I knew I would ever face this in my life. Every second passed by, as the more I tried to abandon it, the more I trapped inside. And what’s still left? Only the regrets stay, and it feels like immortal within."
Since his white shadow ran away... away from him; far away from the line. He has to face his ever fate, bad things never stop come up after.
No more a wise wishper, no more actions that drive him to a better side, no more... there is no more a good man sitting alongside him on the bench.
A story has sink down, the hopes has gone, the future now is going under. When he should explore the entire of his life journey, he lost the aims, lost his identity, lost every favour within.
The regrets that ever faced by... the truth that he has to deal with. A sorry colored up in the whole nights back then, still worthless to move him up from the tragic incident. And he realized that, his white shadow keeps staying away from slowly. And it can't be denied at all.
Walking alone is the only way that he has to face with. Seperated by miles, ocean, and continent. South and east are too far to carry on living while his body and his soul in the different side.
"A Thousand tears are not enough to remove these regrets. We've broken a kind person, nicely kind girl. And when she cried, blown it up, we knew she was hurt from the inside. Tearing any words, breaking any hopes. She cried though there wasn't tears rolled down her face."
"We torn her kindness, we broke her feeling, we engraved scars beneath her skin. We did ones as wrong. We decided ones as we got blind within. And how can we hide her scars? As we knew those has scratched down her deep heart, we destroyed her because of the selfish beneath our heart."
His white shadow has sailed away crossed the sea. For what have been done in the past, for every tear drawn right on her face, punishing himself is the only way that he wants to do. To kill his mistakes, to feel her truly pain, to realize that the regrets which within his soul are deserved to keep living and lying there; for a long time; until he really knows that he has no more strengths to fight all of these.
And the white shadow tries to find out the reasons and the answers of his tragic incident torward her in the sea. For how long? Only him knows.
And this man, has to live together with his black shadow that every day, every time keeps riding him the uncontrol situation. Going under slowly, faded as the lights leave him gradually. Sooner or later, he falls down; burried alive with every chaos inside.
Prayers come along in the night, just to wish God could deliver them to his white shadow in the early morning. Tears are the witness how he got tired to punish himself from the inside. Legs are shaky badly; hands turn to black; the light of his eyes is blackout gradually. By now, he really needs a hand. This time, he really wishes his white shadow could be back soon to live their life normally, peacfully, and with no more regrets.
"In the name of Allah, I wish you were here beside me, exploring any sides of life. I wish you were standing next to me, to face any unpredictable situation in the front, and to fight away our past from those sins, to fight the anxiety away that keep rising anytime."
"My friend, just listen me up. I darkened the days, I drove my life to the wrong destination, I am in the light of dark where no one can see me; feel me; even, I can't recognize myself who has sink down deep under six feet under."
"Just stop punishing yourself there as you are about doing so to me here. Just stop cunfusing yourself cause you did the same to me. Just forgive yourself, because I can also do so to myself."
"I know you're getting tired. I know you have no more strenghts. I know you don't have anything left. Just come back. Please assist and release me from these regrets. Make me move up above, so I can see my bright future in the front. As you are the light that's coloring my days everlastingly."
"Jim, just let it be, forgive youself, and let's go home."
19th September, 2020
— breaking reza
