Deadlock
I get nowhere, yet I don’t want to stop writing
If you are a writer, then you must certainly realize how to feel losing away of the idea. You have tried many things to gain it like having a trip, having coffee, reading a lot of books, watching movie — but those all are still not enough to make you get the idea.
This is what I feel today, even within months.
Since December 2023, I have started to write a novel on Fizzo, a writing platform focused on novel — while my novel theme is about detective. Writing about detective is hard because I need to read a lot about that occupation — also, I need to watch movie in order to draw ideas in my mind on how the main character fights his enemies.
Fizzo is good for newbie writers especially those who is trying to improve novel script. I would say that if you are interested on writing on Fizzo, you would get new knowledge. I said so since the platform itself is pushing any authors to keep updating their story in each chapter every day — amd in every day, the authors should write at least about 1000 words. It is why I told that Fizzo is not that bad if you want to show tourself as a newbie novelist.
Yet, even though updating story in every day is good, it still has disadvantages, especially a person like me who commonly get lost on the idea. It is not an easy work to up to date story within days while you are not preparing each chapter before. So, you must be extra work and must write every day though you do not know what you should write on.
What happen to me right now is my own mistake. I was not preparing each chapter before, so that I have to write every day even I have no any ideas. So what is the disadvantage? My novel runs not as it is planned and even has no relation within some parts. It is called as prioritizing the quantity rather to quality.
The big problem that I face today is I really lose the ideas and do not know how to continue my novel. Actually, it is about two chapter left before the novel ends, but I really feel blank — all I feel within mind is the emptiness. This occurred due to I forced myself to keep writing though I realized that I needed to stop and take a rest for some days. Well, I just abandoned it and now I do not have any things to continue the novel.
So, it has been about 26 days without updating the on going chapters. I decide to stop writing for a week and wish I could continue it in the next day. But, because of I stop right when I lost the idea, so until this time I am not able to set my own to go back on writing. It feels hard to be back though I feel like I have refreshed myself, and feels like I am just fine right now. In the end, I have been in the deadlock.
As a person who begins writing about novel, I should prepare everything including the possibility that I may lose some ideas. Besides, I have to he ready when it occurs to me so when I feel like I have nothing more to do, I am not that hard to find ant ways to reset my own in order to continue writing. Anyway, I did not make any calculation and this has led me to be an empty author; I neither have any ideas nor willing to continue doing the work.
Usually, when my mind feels so blank and do not know what I have to write even for one paragraph, I always go outside and ride the bicycle to a hill. Another thing that commonly I do is having coffee in the afternoon — alone — while I keep focusing myself to think more and more in order to gain at least one idea. But during these previous days, I feel like I have lost something that I, myself, do not really know what it is. I have tried to look what problem comes to me, but still I do not have the answer.
So that is why, in this moment, I decide not to continue writing the novel for some weeks. Perhaps, I need to stop and avoid to think anything about the novel. This time, probably is a good time to take a deep rest. However, I hope I will not waste too much time since I may be lose all of the ideas left.
Furthermore, by deciding to stop writing novel for soke days is not really that bad. Why? Because during this deadlock moment I have much times to write about the other topics. Also, I am excited due to within some days, I am able to update my writing here on Medium. It is such has been a long time I have not written in English, and now I have times to increase it, especially in improving my English writing skill.
There is always be a positive and negative side beside of a decision that I take. When I was on fire to write novel on Fizzo, I was too rare on updating my writing on Medium. Now, the table has turned up; I might be lose the idea on writing novel, yet as the excange, I have written some topics on Medium.
So, when I feel so empty, I won’t let myself to stop writing. I will keep going ahead since for me writing is a part of life; when I decide to stop writing in any platforms or within any places, it means I’m like dead already.
In the end, I will be back and finish my novel sooner or later.
— Breaking Reza —
