Chaotic
Photo by Lisa Fotios from pexels
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Those breaking words are written chaotically. All is about crying, an expression of exaggeration — she screams to be heard while no one beside.
Lonely night is so gripping, telling the tragic stories. She can’t hold on anymore, she can’t control the anger — she’s really not that fine.
When she falls asleep — so empty — so cold. She is a faded starlight.
Another night comes faster, they give too much assumption to mark a valuation that she is dirty — has a very deep shabbiness.
To live this world in the middle of wild people, she can’t forgive herself, she can’t accept her weakness, she hates her beauty. But no one understands that she is a diamond who is forced disappearing its holy light.
Breaking words are written in each page of the diary. She wants to mark herself as a sinner when she already dead from the inside.
Friends leave when she needs helps. Friends regard her as stranger while she needs to be admitted. This is a fact that destroys a future — her truly dreams has now sinked down.
This night feels colder and rip away the heart in two pieces. She fought to survive… but now she fights to give up.
Because days which she expects is delivering too much pain, she decides to stop acting of being fine — prefers to show her rainy face, prefers to let people know she’s under anxiety attacks.
Because unfortunately, a guy who was loved now has left. He betrays her right in front that face.
Then white turned to be unholy — the unholy elegance, marked deep within the heart — illustrates them that she is the worst sinner ever.
No one forgives and no one forgets
No one accepts, they keep blamming for no reason
No one will understand, they put the hatreds
People only come to land another pain — she is tortured from their sharp words — tortured cuase many of them regard themselves more chaste than herself.
They think she is breathing alongside sins… they think she is evil… they never knew that she used to lived to make things right, yet they only put the faults as they never ever trust her — not after she did such risk mistake.
One mistake vanishes the whole kindness… one mistake changes those people on how they have a certain impression. One mistake — occurred — they kill her serenity.
Now days have passed by, you won’t see her coming home.
Days have been passing away, you can see a tombstone — written her gorgeous name — written quietly in the head of the grave — a cemetery where she lays down there forever. Her last place to stay
The try out comes and teach how life is. Sometimes it comes while bringing a lesson. But then those people come and turn it to be more chaotic by those sharp voice. When she needs to be forgiven, they close the door as they’d seen God won’t forgive her as well. They make an assumption for no clear reason just to punish her.
“Even the harlots have their own right. Some may be choose it as their way of life. Yet, some change themselves to survive and keep living. I am not meant to mark my valuation when they realize they need to turn themselves becoming much better. Until then they do the efforts, I know how hard this is — changing one habit to the others. Time will answer, time will take them to another better place, if — if they keep making a move one step forward. As long as the heart againts what they are doing with those bastard men (who is using women as the tools of their lust only)… I know those girls want a revolution, without me — should — should mark a bad valuation about their personality.”
The Most Almighty, The Most Forgiving; saints or sinners, God will decide it — not us… not at all.
The poetic poem is now ruined and forgotten. We see the hatreds everywhere, yet… we’d see the light of merciful cause we were born to forgive those who did mistakes and fight themelves hardly to be free from regrets.
People may change, being in the worst and darkest life. But they always have a chance to turn up becoming much better again, anytime — before it’s all too late.
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~BREAKING REZA~
