30 Days Writing Challenge

Day 6

Single and happy???

Okay guys, today topic is about single and happy. Such an intersting one to be talked, isn’t it?

But I wonder what does single mean. Is that related to relationship? Or something else like working alone, cycling alone, doing hobby alone… yeah single has a wide explanation doesn’t it? But I will write about the mainstream side. You know what I mean.

Single and happy. Okay, let me tell you mine. I have been living my life without having any relationship with girls. Twenty five years I walk through and pass it the times, never I know how it feels of having a girlfriend.

But, I cannot say that I never fall in love with a girl. I did it. However, I am not a kind man to be easy put my heart inside of girl. I need time to see everything, whether she belongs to me or not, or whether she is into me or not at all.

When I was at senior high school, once I was very impressed of a girl. Let’s call her as Anggun (pseudonym). I didn’t really know her at first before then she texted me through Facebook direct message. She asked a help from me due to her account had been hacked by someone. From the chat that she delivered it, I could realize that she did need a hand.

Unfortunately, I could not act as a hero because I, myself, didn’t know how to return the account which had been hacked. But, I didn’t lose the ways I had. I called my friend, asked him the way how to re-hack the account, but still I could not be a hero as he even didn’t know it as well.

Since that, I became closer to Anggun. I didn’t know why, or what made us could be closer than before. We often replied message through Facebook, talking about the subjects and something else. And this girl, I just realized something that Anggun looks beautiful. After times passed, I wondered, did I fall in love with her? But she really made me keep thinking of her.

What made it a bit funny was when I just sat on a long bench in front of my class during breaktime, then looking at her walked to canteen. Even, I was waiting her passed through her class by sitting alone on the same place when the bell of home time rang. I keep watching her went through. By doing this, I felt so happy, yeah sure.

Until then we graduated from school, I could never told her about my feeling. There was one thing I guess, that I thought, she was not loving me. So I end this story without letting her know a bit of my truth.

Another different story occured when I was at the college. I met a pretty girl, gorgeous, luxurious that I symbolized her as red rose due to her beauty. 😁

During first semester, I just saw her passed through. And when the second semester took place, she and I finally in the same class. Since that, I recognized her well. We were studying at English Department, so usually, as we still the fresh college students, any lecturers asked us to do self-introduction using English. Each of my classmate and I did what the lecturer wanted.

However, she really made me felt fascinated when she introduced herself. Her English was amazing, and the way how she presented it was like art. This was the first time I felt something about her like…

woow she is… a symbol of beauty.

After that, I began falling in love to her. Due to we had almost the same class in every course that we took, I often texted her and many of them were about college task. I did so cause I want to be closer to her as a friend though I understood that actually my heart told me the otherwise.

I was just too confuse to begin everything… telling her my feeling. I still wondered, did I really like her? Was it my truth feeling? Was I into her, really? I keep questioning days and nights. Why? Because I was afraid that perhaps this feeling was fake… that I felt such of love because of her beautiful appearance only. While I could not stop thinking of her everyday.

This made me really wondering, questioning, guessing… all of these brought me the anxious feeling; I love her but I could not move myself to tell her the truth. I became stuck, like found out a deadlocked road on my journey. I just watched her in silence, talked to myself that she was my red rose, create an imagination that finally I delivered my feeling, she said yes and we filled days together by holding hands and smiling. While the reality was I still stood in the same place, didn’t move even for one step closer to her.

Due to I did not know how to control this feeling, then I wrote her story in my diary. I just wrote anything since the first time I recognize and felt in love to her. I create poems as well, drawn her gorgeous side through my illusion, colored up the blank papers with her smiles, illustrated her as a bright red rose, and keep writing her full name within it.

As if, the diary explained any truth about me, I was like talking to her when writing it. This really made me felt more quiet for a but then was realizing me that, the only one to bring me the serenety was by delivering her my true love. But once again, I didn’t know why I can’t move just to come next to her.

Until one day, I heard my classmate also liked the girl. When I tried to make sure that I was the only one who had real love to the girl, but still I had no doing any efforts to come closer to her.

Then one day, my classmate and I was having coffee together. There, I told him that if he really love this girl, I would be pleased to let him came over. I said so because I didn’t want there is such race to reach a girl’s love…

So I decided to stop and let my classmate went over to the girl. A week later, finally they were having relationship. And me… still with my diary which all of the writings were about the girl😄.

However, I never feel regret to let my classmate reached what he was into. When everything happened right in front of my eyes, I believe that was the truth which I have to deal it with.

Even though I got pain, but I still live my life even until now. I just regarded it as a life lesson for me. When I was too confuse to begin, maybe it was a code whether I have to stay by keep questioning and finding out the answer or, just stop everything and start moving up to another line.

Despite of this, I am still happy that I ever met two beautiful girls that made me felt in love in different time. When I could not reach one of them to be my girlfriend, at least they still be my friend until this time.

And having such good days with them were really unforgettable moment. Until now I still write about them in my poems especially Nazira (my college friend). A girl that I symbolized as red rose, she just decides her own way to act like how she should be. The luxurious which is there alongside her, because she chooses to be gorgeous as simple as she is.

That is how my happiness. Single and happy, why not? As I tell myself that it’s not the time yet to be with my love one. And still as usual, I am not such man to be as easy of falling in love with. More than this, I will try to figure out, ask to myself, questioning, and yeah also pray to my Lord, whether or not she will be my girl, or am I really love her from my deep heart?

I think, this is my way on how I put some respects to any girls. Because if I am in hurry, it could be possible that my love is fake and I may be hurt a girl’s feeling by leaving her when anytime I think…,

“it’s over. Time to leave her for whatever happens, i don’t care, since… since I don’t love her anymore. Now, time to look another girl”.

Don’t I deliver pain to a girl due to I am too rush to tell love. That is why, I really be careful when I realize, perhaps I love her.

I try to respect girl though in the end, I get pain sometimes 😂

But it’s okay. The pain is a symbol of happiness too. You will gain happiness after pain left such scars within your heart. So that you become stronger, you become more respect, as you have learnt something through this. You will appreciate someone’s feeling, you are appreciating your own feeling.

This is my single world, left many scars and I am still happy on my own way. So what about you? Would you mind to tell me yours...? Instead of writing a sad ending story, you can create it to be a happy ending one, anytime you want.

— Breaking Reza